Mom’s Rat Race

If you thought ‘rat race’ was for working people only, you are wrong. Even a stay at home mom is in the rat race. For a mom, the rat race begins even before the baby is born. With so many diagnostic tools available, the mom to be knows the status of the baby’s development and compares it with the standard benchmark. Congratulations … the rat race has begun. Then comes the birth of the baby. Is the baby’s weight below standard or above standard or as per standard? Monthly check ups point out whether the growth in terms of weight, length and head circumference is as per norms. Incase the performance is not as per norms, the mother automatically feels guilty. And when the child has exceeded the norms, it is like an A+ on the mom’s report card.

At two months, the baby is expected to display ‘social smile’. See the mom bask in glory when her baby starts to smile and coo. That’s another A+. And it continues. The baby learning to sit without support, taking the first step, the first words….etc.

Then comes school and the mom is all flustered. Is the child getting the first rank in class? Is the child the teacher’s pet? Is the child equally good at sports and cultural activities? Does the child need external support in the form of coaching to be able to retain the top slot? And this is likely to continue till the end of formal education.

Then comes the employment scene. Is my child getting a better job than his friends? Is the salary worth bragging about? What about the perks? And it goes on and on.

In the process, mom may lose keeping track of the child’s happiness and self esteem. Or associate self esteem with external validation from the report card/teachers/salary/society. Or worse still, mom tells the child that he/she is the best and the world is at fault for not appreciating the child’s achievements.

Instead the ‘rat race’ can focus on how soon can the mom create an emotionally resilient adult who will not depend on  external validation for measuring own self-esteem and happiness. Did I as a mother teach my children to rejoice in their achievements and work on their self esteem?  Did I teach my child not to become dependent on external validation? Did I teach that responsibilities are sacrosanct? Did I equip the child to face the cruel realities of the world?

If I as a mother have managed to dissociate my self esteem from my children’s achievements or progress, if I can hold on to my own value of self and not be disturbed by others judgements, I have then managed to overcome the ‘rat race’ phobia.