Don’t Shrink Yourself

Shrinking oneself means reducing one’s visibility and minimizing ourselves literally. Why would one do that? Let’s explore some scenarios.

Ask yourself whether you try to minimize yourself in the workplace. Do you not articulate your thoughts in fear of being scoffed at? Or do you fear that if your view is accepted, you will be handed responsibility of implementing it and you do not want to do so; because you are unsure of the outcome. Basically, you are underselling yourself.

Shrinking oneself is not limited to the workplace. It happens at home also. When a wife is more successful professionally than her spouse, battle of egos begins. Some mild, some strong. If the wife can anticipate this, she begins downplaying her achievements or maybe not bring it up in dinner conversations. Incase she starts sharing her success stories, the man may experience being upstaged and take it personally. The battle begins and in order to save the relationship, the wife starts shrinking herself.

It may not be a professional issue; it can be a domestic scenario where the wife is a home maker. She is truly the home manager; manages family relationships, takes care of the home and kids and is the backbone of the family. It is possible that the husband may undermine all her efforts, and so gradually the wife stops being vocal and visible. She shrinks herself.

I am calling out to such wives and partners. You are not the problem. If your husband or partner is unable to handle your success and power, it is his problem. You cannot change his thoughts and perceptions. But some amount of empathy may help in removing this deadlock.

Given the society that we exist, let us accept a few facts. Society is brainwashed into believing that men are supposed to do better than women. His income has to be more than hers. He has to dazzle more then she. And many more such thoughts. Women who have had a liberal upbringing may experience huge discomfort when faced with such thoughts. If your man was brought up with the above mentioned thoughts, do not expect him to appreciate your upbringing; he too is experiencing discomfort and societal pressure of outshining you. Give yourself time and space; do not get entangled in the game of egos. This is not a question of right or wrong.

It is about how we handle each other’s success and dazzle. Allow the more successful partner to bask in the limelight. Your time will also come. Also allow the less successful one to experience any feelings that may arise and give time and space to accept the partner’s success. Shrinking is not the answer and neither is demeaning the partner’s achievements. And if things do not work out you can always part ways amicably.