Getting out of Mental Misery

This is what I do when I experience sense of feeling low, or anxious, or being stuck; and I would like to share with you. The first thing that I do is to identify the trigger. Trigger is not the person or situation. The true trigger is my thoughts. Is it sounding absurd?

Suppose a colleague tells you that you are incompetent. Ask yourself what thoughts run through your mind. Some of the thoughts could be “ I am not good enough”, “The colleague hates me”, “Colleague is going to bad mouth me in the workplace”, “Nobody likes me”, “No matter how hard I work, I can’t seem to get it right”,  “I am being targeted”…..and many more.  Notice all these are negative thoughts. Thoughts lead to feelings and I am sure with the kind of thoughts generated, the feelings are not going to be happy ones. You will start feeling sad, threatened, anxious, worried, depressed, angry and there begins the downhill trend. Your feelings will reflect in your behaviour. You can guess, the behaviourial outcome is not going to be a cheerful one.

You continue to dwell on it, adding fuel to the thoughts, feelings and behaviour. It will gain momentum and in no time you will experience issues of mental health. You discuss with friends, colleagues, family, seeking sympathy. Unknowingly they continue to fuel your negative thoughts and feelings, thus contributing to feeling even more low. You have a choice on what thoughts you will nurture.

So how do you come out of negative thoughts ?  Apply the mental brakes. The first step is to acknowledge that your thoughts are negative. Ask yourself how you can convert it into non-negative thoughts. Easier said than done. Instead of reacting straightaway, take a step back and ask yourself “what made the person say that”. Was it your work, or was it an offhand comment, or was it an outburst of some other matter? If you can coolly find an answer, your thoughts would be more reasonable and less negative. The trick is to separate the wheat from the chaff. What was the important content in the feedback from the colleague? Try and respond to that. Or you can even question the validity of the comment. By doing so, you will reverse the downhill trend and move forward and upward.

When thoughts are positive, the associated feelings are of joy, compassion, empathy…. The behaviour is also cheerful, energetic, helpful and we all love such a person. So don’t allow yourself to be affected by other people’s opinions. You have a choice… react or respond. Choose the option of responding, after you take time to assess the situation in a detached manner.

This was just one example. There could be situations of self doubt, conflict with boss/subordinate, loss of family member, loss of job, feeling stuck/stagnant, unhappy at work,  inability to move forward or take a new step,….. the list goes on. It is easier to overcome this with the help of a life coach. If you need assistance, do reach out to me at chandanagoswami@rediffmail.com