GLORIFYING STRUGGLE
The struggle of a pupa (often enclosed in a chrysalis or cocoon) to emerge as a butterfly is a crucial part of its development. This struggle, while seemingly detrimental, is actually nature’s way of ensuring the butterfly is properly prepared for flight. The effort required to break free pushes fluid into the developing wings, strengthening them and enabling the butterfly to fly. Without this struggle, the butterfly’s wings would be weak and unable to support flight.
How can we relate it with bringing up kids? Many parents will cringe when I ask them to allow their child to experience discomfort. The same parent who had experienced discomfort while growing up is now reluctant to let his/her child experience it. We feel obliged to provide the very best for our child, nurture them and protect them from all evil. Very natural; but for how long?
When these over protected children transition into adults and enter the workplace, they are in for a rude shock. They are treated like non-entities. There is no one to ‘take care’ of them. As a child I was exposed to doses of mild hardships and discomforts; yet I was hassled when I entered the workforce. So, I can well imagine what the cocooned kids must be experiencing.
Exposing the child to moderate amount of discomfort will strengthen grit and resilience. When a child learns to solves its problems on its own, or is encouraged to think through to find a solution, he/she develops huge self confidence. Slowly the child will learn to take responsibility for the consequences of the decision. A cousin of mine wanted a seat in Delhi University in the sports quota. Her father was a prominent sports personality whose letter of recommendation would have given her a smooth sailing. He did not. She had to participate in the selection games and win her seat. You can imagine the thrill she felt on earning the admission and the increase in self confidence.
Teaching children life skills also go a long way. I have heard of young adults breaking down under pressure because they were unable to take care of themselves on their own. Pampering the child and not setting behavioral boundaries is likely to contribute to adapting and coping issues. This is a disservice to the child.
Nobody had an easy smooth career progression. You get to hear of their struggles much later. They did not focus on the hardship but instead kept their focus on the goal that they had set for themselves. The struggle had strengthened them.